The Power of Persuasive Communication

“Persuasion is the art of guiding one’s mind through a field of ignorance, misinformation, or misunderstanding to a destination where there is enough information and understanding to make a logical choice to do what is in the best interest of the person being persuaded.” – Steven Scott

Today it’s simply not enough to be effective communicators. More than that, we need to be able to communicate persuasively – not manipulation for our own selfish interests, but rather to possess the power to persuade others for their benefit. People we need to communicate persuasively to everyday: bosses, subordinates, spouse, kids, family members, friends, colleagues, clients, prospects… just about everyone!

Undeniably, communication skills are the first skill set we must include in our arsenal of skills to take with us on our journey to success. And to me, the best communications tool box can be found in Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP for short.

NLP is a communication model developed by the founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the late 1960s and early 70s. In simplified terms, NLP is essentially a model of learning which can be used to model human thinking, behaviour and communication.

Today, NLP has proven to be phenomenally successful in many applications:
training and personal development; coaching; business; sales; parenting. As Anthony Robbins, reputed to be the world’s highest paid coach said, “I built my sales career from zero to become the world’s best motivator by using NLP.” I use NLP in my coaching, training and in every aspect of daily life.

Let’s start by exploring a basic presupposition found in NLP: “The response you get is the meaning of your communication.” We all know that the message we want to communicate to someone may not necessarily be received with the exact intended meaning. Along the way, many things can happen – the meaning may be distorted, certain parts may be deleted or the message itself has been generalized. The challenge is: how do we know if our message has been accurately understood?

Besides that, there is another presupposition at play: We all respond to our map of reality, not reality itself. That means that every individual has within them an internal world of meaning – a unique internal map that they use for navigating the world. So, for example, when you tell your partner that you feel love for him/her, what does that mean in his/her world as opposed to the meaning you attach to the feeling of love? If he/she associates pain and sacrifice with “love” feeling, then you are not going to get very positive response from him/her! (I’m sure all of you who have read/heard about or experienced “commitment phobia” before will know what I mean!)

With these presuppositions in mind, we can then decide which tool to use from the NLP tool-box to firstly build rapport with the person we want to communicate our message to; then to assess what his map looks like; which tool to use to communicate effectively to that person based on his map; and so on. Now that’s only for effective communication.

To communicate persuasively, we then have to move that person to take action. Now for that to happen, again, there are various tools we can use based on different circumstances – as the saying goes, different strokes for different folks!

It’s really such fun and almost magical when one becomes adept at using all the wonderful tools available. You wish to convince your boss to give you a well-deserved pay rise, no problem? Dread talking to that irate customer who looks ready to burst a blood vessel? No problem, you can cool him down and even turn him into the most loyal customer. Wondering how to convince your child to sit still and study for next week’s examinations? You’ll be amazed at how you can do that by communicating persuasively.

However, let me hastily add that NLP as a communication model is just one aspect. There is much more to NLP. Modern Psychology Magazine once called it the “most powerful vehicle for change”. Change for ourselves. As Rudolf Dreikurs, author or A Parent’s Guide to Child Discipline, said, “We can change our whole life and the attitude of people around us simply by changing ourselves.” But that is the premise of another article, or just get a book on NLP and you can get lots of information on the subject.

Article contributed by Jessica See, Certified NLP Practitioner, NFNLP; Certified Neuro-Semantics & NLP Practitioner, ISNS. For more information on NLP courses, write to Jessica@qscasia.com or visit www.masteryasia.com/NLP

Keeping Your Job in Uncertain Times

In times past, you could be obscure yet secure – now that’s harder. – Michael Goldhaber, Wired

Times are certainly uncertain. Jobs that were aplenty in Singapore are now dwindling as more companies are downsizing, or should we say “rightsizing”, and merging; some even closing down “overnight”. No, I don’t intend to be a harbinger of doom, but let’s face it – it’s time to not take our job/business for granted.

I’m one of the fortunate people who are financially free, who can afford to do what I love for passion. My desire is that every one of you out there could one day say the same. Meanwhile, some of us have to hold on to our jobs, you declare, and I, of course, agree. So let’s explore how you can not only hold on to your job in uncertain times, but in fact thrive!

First and foremost, it’s time you start looking at crafting out a personal brand for yourself that will set you apart from your competitors and peers. You need to stand out so your boss would notice you, and hopefully give you a big fat promotion or raise. It’s no more of just “doing what my boss tells me to do” or simply working long hours hoping somebody up there will notice! You have to take your future and your career in your own hands!

Here are some quick suggestions how you can get noticed:
1. Find something you’re passionate about in your job… and go at it with a vengeance!
Passion sells. Passion gets you noticed. Passion adds meaning to your life. Look at Oprah. Look at Mother Theresa, Barrack Obama, Bill Gates… countless others whose passion has gripped the world. People who love what they’re doing so much that even if they put their life on cruise control, they will never take their foot off the accelerator!

There was a story told of how Oprah was first interviewed by Barbara Walters. Barbara wanted to know how Oprah had survived discrimination while growing up in the South. With her one-sentence answer, Oprah not only stunned Barbara, but won the respect and admiration of many: “Barbara, I discovered very early in life that there is no discrimination against excellence.” So you may not be exactly passionate about your job (majority of people aren’t, sad to say), but I’m certain if you look hard enough, there would be something that gets your adrenaline pumping. (If there’s nothing, maybe you’d better look for another job!)

Once you have identified that area, go at it with a vengeance. Get real good at it; make sure others know you’re the best in that area, which brings us to the next point.

2. Craft out your USP and start selling yourself!
USP or unique selling proposition simply means what makes you special, or to put it simply, what makes your “customers” (boss, clients, colleagues) “buy” from you and not someone else. You can find your USP by looking at your passion, strengths, skills or values. And once you have done that, then start selling yourself! For those of you who balk at the idea of having to “sell yourself”, stop kidding yourself that you don’t need to do that. The one skill you’ve got to get good at is how to be a super salesperson for YOU.

As one executive who wanted to make a career change said in the book Free Agents by Susan Gould, “What I am doing is selling myself. Intellectually I think I understood that, but emotionally I didn’t until I experienced the pain of constantly putting myself on the line and facing rejection. It makes sense to look at yourself as a work in progress and to define your core assets and then sell them to the marketplace. The question ultimately is: ‘Are you willing to do what it takes to get the opportunity you want?’”

3. Look good, feel great!
It’s time to quit looking sloppy simply because you believe your job doesn’t require you to dress well. Unless you want to stay mediocre for the rest of your life. If not, it’s time to start paying attention to how you look and the image you present to others. Now I’m not asking you to start splurging on expensive clothes, or take drastic measures to look like Miss Singapore or James Bond ( whatever is the male equivalent of Miss Singapore).

Simple things you can do: Start wearing colours that suit you; you can’t get noticed if you’re wearing safe black or grey everyday. Get an updated hairstyle that suits your face shape. Learn to dress for your body shape. It’s a simple philosophy that I subscribe to: when you look good, you will project yourself well; when you project well, people respond positively to you; when that happens, you feel great; and when you feel great, you look good! This is called the Circle of Success.

4. Think Intrapreneur
The best way to stand out is to treat your job like your own business. Take full ownership of business results that are expected from you. Be fully committed to your targets and work goals. Don’t just “do your job” but LIVE for your clients. The company I used to work for had a credo “Customers make my payday possible.” Think of ways to cut on expenses for your company – your boss will love you for that!

5. Work on a WOW project
Forget job. Forget tasks. Think Project. Then make every “project” you undertake a “WOW project. It’s going to take longer than this article allows, to teach you how to add the “WOW” factor into every project. Suffice it to say for now – get started on thinking real hard how to turn every job assignment into a “project” and then think even harder how to add more value into the project than your boss ever expected!

If you need more advice or coaching, just drop me a mail at jessica@imagecoach.com.sg!

PERSUASIVE COMMUNICATION

After my last article on Training: An Alternative Career, several people wrote in to ask me to recommend some effective ways to help them improve their communication and presentation skills.

So I will take this opportunity to elaborate a little more on the art of communication. There are many areas to look at in communication, as we’ve read in many books: a message is communicated through visual, vocal and verbal. From that, comes the importance of body language, how we present ourselves, and so on. The visual and vocal elements are indeed very important to effective communication, but we will not touch on that here.

Rather, let’s look at why many people experience a challenge in communicating effectively from the verbal aspect:

Self-consciousness

When I was a magazine editor, I was invited to many red carpet events and cocktails where I had to rub shoulders with the rich and famous. Initially I dreaded those events, because I was not comfortable at making small talk with these people.

Then a great truth dawned on me – to be a good conversationalist, we simply had to be a great listener. We had to be genuinely interested in what the other person had to say, ask the right questions (because we genuinely wanted to know more) and presto, people will laud us as great communicators!

It’s often our own self-consciousness that makes us tongue-tied and awkward. We are so pre-occupied with what intelligent idea to share next, that we can barely concentrate on listening to and understanding the other party.

Non-empathy

The other block to good communication is non-empathy. We are sometimes so intent on putting our ideas across that we forget to be sensitive or empathetic to the other person. Is the person in a rush, or does he or she have other matters on his or her mind?

A good example is when we want to sell an idea to our boss: is he or she rushing for another meeting? Or perhaps he or she has just got some flak from his or her boss or a customer and is simply in a lousy mood.

My personality type tends towards being results-oriented, so this was an area that I was weak in. Now I’ve learnt to be more sensitive and to always ask: Is it a good time to talk? Or: Do you have half an hour to discuss… ?

Lack of clarity

This comes from lack of clarity in our thoughts as well as our verbal communication. It starts from our thoughts: are we quite clear in our minds what is the message we wish to convey? From there, we move on to effective choice of words. Some people may have a language problem: they may be thinking in their mother language, say Mandarin, and trying to express their ideas in a language they are not comfortable with, say English.

Learn to organize your thoughts. Before making an important presentation, list down the points you want to make in a logical sense. If language is a challenge, then I suggest you write your ideas down in proper sentences and ask a friend to go through for you. I’m not saying you should read from your paper or memorise the “speech” but just writing it down and reading it a few times will help you a great deal in putting your message across.

Many people thought as long as they speak fluently, they are good communicators. Not so, as those of you who have had to listen to someone go on and on about themselves, will testify. They may be such eloquent speakers, and even entertaining at times, but there’s only so much we can take in a one-way communication. I’m sure some of you have been in a situation where you just wish you were somewhere else after 20 minutes!

The highest level of communication which I personally would strive for as a communicator is what is known as persuasive communication. This takes place when the person we are communicating with, 1) understands what we want to say, 2) feels what we are feeling and is then 3) motivated to take action on what we have said. Effective communication may stop short at (2); the listener may not necessarily want to do something about what he or she has just heard.

One skill that can help you move from effective to persuasive communication is that of asking questions. This is a powerful skill that once you have mastered it, will indeed help you see immediate results in your daily communication - be it sales, presentation of ideas, talking to your friends or simply getting your child to do what you want! So the best thing you can do for yourself now is to pop into a bookstore and grab a book on this!


Article is contributed by Jessica See, a consultant with Mastery Asia Pte Ltd, which conducts the Certified Professional Trainers course, and Stand Up & Speak ™. To register for a free introductory seminar on training as a profession in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur and Shanghai, email jessica@qscasia.com. Website: http://www.CertifiedProfessionalTrainer.com

5 Ways to Quickly Build Trust with your Client

For the last two parts of this article, I’ve shared with you three ways how you can build trust quickly with someone whom you are meeting for the first time. Here are the last two quick steps that you can apply in most situations.


4) Use technology and other visual aids

People tend to perceive those who use technology as more sophisticated and professional. Thus, if you are doing a presentation to a group, using a laptop and projector with PowerPoint will probably gain you more respect compared to writing your materials on flipchart and white board.

Likewise, printed materials such as brochures and catalogues give people a sense of “dependability” and you are not representing a “fly by night” company.


5) Be a leader - Act confidently to inspire

People have a natural herd mentality. In other words, there is a tendency to crowd together in the safety of its own kind under a leader.

What is the first quality that comes to you when you look at a leader? While traits like caring for people, big picture thinking and crisis management are all important traits for a leader; the first impression that many great leaders create, is often his confidence in carrying himself in front of others.

We all know the simple rule in life: If you want to be happy, take actions that will make you happy. If having coffee with a group of friends makes you happy, have more coffee with friends! Similarly, if you want to be confident, take actions that will make yourself confident. Giving yourself a pat on the shoulder, clenching your fist, or recalling memories of your first victory in a track and field event during school days are some suggestions that may work.

Anytime you take a positive action, you raise your spirit and others will feel it too.

Remember, emotions are contagious!

Article is contributed by Tan Teck Beng, Certified Professional Trainer, IPMA (UK). To find out more about the Certified Professional Trainer course, or to register for a free introductory seminar on training as a profession, in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur or Shanghai, email jessica@qscasia.com, or visit Website: http://www.CertifiedProfessionalTrainer.com

5 Ways to Quickly Build Trust with Your Client

Yesterday, you read how as trainers and consultants, we need to be sincere and always tell the truth when we meet with our client, as well as to instantly build credibility so they have confidence in our credentials.

Today we touch on another important step to build trust quickly with clients we meet for the first time:

3) Build Rapport

Building rapport is finding or creating areas of commonality between two parties.

Like what I always tell people attending my seminars: People like people who are like themselves. Notice how people from similar backgrounds “flock” together?

The two easiest ways are clothing and body language.

(i) Clothes create an identity for you.

Have you ever noticed how a group of teens hanging out on the street tend to dress like their peers? Dressing gives them a sense of belonging. When you dress like your client, you are complimenting their taste – indirectly. For this reason, people start to like you, without they themselves knowing. As you know, if you want someone to trust you, they must first like you.

Another school of thought says that you should dress like the expert that your client take advice from. Thus if you are meeting a franchise owner, wear what his advisor will normally wear. If you are meeting a human resource manager, than dress like what someone who advises a HR manager will wear.

In my opinion, either approach is fine. The key is to be aware of your dressing to make sure you are not “out of frequency”.

(ii) Body language

In 1967, professor Albert Mehrabian from UCLA carried studies to show that we are perceived in 3 ways: Body Language, Tone and Words. The impact of the 3 components are broken down below:

Body Language 55%
Tone of Voice 38%
Words 7%

Today, it is almost impossible to attend a class in communication without being taught the importance of body language.

Many experts preach that we should match and mirror the body language of our clients. However, these if not carefully manage, may make you look “fake” and therefore lose credibility.

From my experience, in most cases, as long as you don’t over mismatch, that will suffice. Hence, if your client is relaxing in the couch, you may not want to be too “forward”. If your client is speaks really fast, you may want to speed up a little too.

Watch out for the conclusion of this article tomorrow where I share the last two suggestions on how you can build trust quickly with your client.


Article is contributed by Tan Teck Beng, Certified Professional Trainer, IPMA (UK). To find out more about the Certified Professional Trainer course, or to register for a free introductory seminar on training as a profession, in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur or Shanghai, email jessica@qscasia.com, or visit Website: http://www.CertifiedProfessionalTrainer.com

5 Ways to Quickly Build Trust with Your Client

Trust is the foundation for every business relationship, be it sales, negotiations, joint ventures or any business deals. Without trust, there will be a lot of guessing, checking and backstabbing.

As a trainer or consultant, it'd even more crucial that you can build trust quickly for someone whom you are meeting for the first time. There are 5 quick steps that you can apply in most situations. Today we will touch on the first two steps:


1) Be sincere – telling the truth

While this may look like the obvious, it is not commonly practiced.

Always tell the truth. Look into their eyes and mean what you say. Let them know everything, including the good, the bad and the ugly. If your solution or whatever you are proposing is not a perfect fit to their problems, say so.

Remember, at all times, the interest of your clients should be your top priority. Once your client discovers this, he will gladly transfer all the business from your competitors to you.

Just a side note: Sometimes, there may be a difference between your client’s interest and your client’s organization’s interest. In this case, your priority should always be helping your client, within legal and moral limits.


2) Build credibility – what is your credential as a trainer?

We live in societies where people respect authorities and experts.

Experts are people who know a great deal about a subject matter. Authorities are people who have the power within a certain scope. In either case, people listen to them.

What you need to do is to position yourself as the expert and authority of your field. For example, if you are a sales trainer, do more research on different sales strategies and techniques. Or if you a trainer specialising in team building, write articles on that subject and send to magazines and newspapers.

Carefully draft a good write-up for yourself. How long have you been in this business? Who are the prominent clients that you have done training or consultancy for? (If it is not a violation of confidentiality to disclose.)

Communicate this information to your clients in every way you can think of … flyers, leaflets, advertisements or even subtly mentioned some of these yourself.

Remember: Communicate, communicate, and communicate!


Watch out for the continuation of this article tomorrow!


Article is contributed by Tan Teck Beng, Certified Professional Trainer, IPMA (UK). To find out more about the Certified Professional Trainer course, or to register for a free introductory seminar on training as a profession, in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur or Shanghai, email jessica@qscasia.com, or visit Website: http://www.CertifiedProfessionalTrainer.com

Why Be a Professional Speaker?


Recently, I had the privilege of listening to the Options Trading Guru Dr Clemen Chiang share on the above topic at the Certified Professional Speakers course. I would like to share his thoughts now with you.

Dr Chiang listed three reasons why you may engage in professional speaking:

To articulate a theory, thesis or topic
To solicit feedback, support or testimonial
To sell and make money!!!

The 3 P’s you need to note in order to become a Professional Speaker:

Preparation
Perseverance
Passion

There will definitely be audiences which will give you “ups” and “downs.” While the “ups” are great for our ego, we can learn the most from our “downs” so we are in a process of continuous improvement. But that doesn’t mean we have to act on every feedback; we have to be able to distinguish between what will work for us and what is just pure nonsense.

If you want to outwit, outlast and outplay your competitors, what you need is PASSION. Choose good competitors to learn from and set as a benchmark for yourself to excel.

Dr Chiang also shared the 3 approaches you can take if you wish to join the ranks of being a Professional Speaker:

One-Man Show
One Company
One Parthenon

Obviously, what he recommends is the “One Partheno”n, where you draw alliances and forge partnerships. This would of course expand your network and extend your reach out to the market.

Well, if you are new to professional speaking, take HEART; just follow the rules of the Presentation Process:

H – Balance Humility vs Heroism
E – Be Enternaining & Exciting
A – Articulate stories
R – Reach out to Souls
T – Do it Today or Never!

If you are interested to find out more about the Certified Professional Speakers Course, call Ikram at 6225 2968 or write to him at ikram@masteryasia.com for more nformation.

Make An Impact!

“The human contribution is the essential ingredient. It is only in the giving of oneself to others that we truly live.” American social activist, Ethel Percy Andrus

When we stand on a platform, whether as a trainer or presenter, we are giving of ourselves. By sharing our experiences, our knowledge and skills, we are making an impact on our audience. Whether positive or negative, we are leaving an imprint on others.

There is an awesome responsibility attached to that thought. Some may see it as power and they get a real kick out of it. To me, it is a wonderful opportunity to be able to “contribute”, to live a life that is significant, a chance to leave a legacy behind for which we would be remembered, long after we are gone.

An experience I would never forget was when my husband and I were invited to be keynote speakers for a business seminar in Sydney. We had never spoken in a foreign country before as keynote speakers. I was a little nervous at the start, but my passion soon put that nervousness far away. At the end of a long day, where we spoke for two sessions of 40 minutes each, we were amazed when we saw a long stream of people coming up on stage, waiting to shake our hands, to speak to us, some to hug us and some to ask a question. It was a truly humbling experience.

There’s a story often told of a wise man and a little boy who wanted to put him to the test. The little boy was holding a little bird in his hands, and he thought to himself, “I’ll go up to the old man and ask him if the bird is alive or dead. If he answer alive, I’ll squeeze the bird until it dies, and then I can prove him wring. If he says, dead, I’ll release the bird and he would still be worong!”

With that in mind, the little boy walked up to the old man, with his hands behind his back and asked gleefully, “Wise old man, is the bird I’m holding dead or alive?”

The old man looked at him, and answered, “Son, the bird is your hands. Dead or alive, it’s up to you.”

Yes, as trainers and presenters, the bird is in our hands too. It’s up to us what we make out of our skills and talents. Do we want to make a great positive impact by giving of ourselves unselfishly, or are we just interested in what we can get out of this wonderful profession for ourselves?

As Danny Thomas said, “Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.”

And the most wonderful part is: The more we give, the more we will receive. Even as we give to our audience, likewise they are giving to us too – not only their time, but their attention, their energy, encouragement, commitment to following your teaching and advice. The completion of this cycle of reciprocity must be the goal of any trainer or speaker.

It is not always an easy feat to achieve – many people, on a personal note or culturally, are afraid to give. To some, it is a risk, a risk that perhaps they may be rejected, or worse, they may be then asked to give more than they are prepared to give.

I find this especially so in Singapore. Very often, the audience is not prepared to respond with enthusiasm as they are afraid they may be asked to then commit more of themselves if they let down their hair too much. Or perhaps they are afraid of what their neighbour would think. Not cool eh? But it’s slowly changing. I’m beginning to observe a thawing of this natural reserve. After all, we are all humans, and we need to feel the joy or giving as much as of receiving.

So when we take the podium, one of the greatest gifts we can give to our audience is to help them overcome this fear, and to show them they actually risk very little, but indeed, stand to gain a lot – when they open up their emotional banks and give of themselves. As someone once wrote, “This is a bank that can never be overdrawn. Conversely, if the balance is not withdrawn and shared, it begins to shrink and the remaining capital gradually disappears.”