The Power of Persuasive Communication

“Persuasion is the art of guiding one’s mind through a field of ignorance, misinformation, or misunderstanding to a destination where there is enough information and understanding to make a logical choice to do what is in the best interest of the person being persuaded.” – Steven Scott

Today it’s simply not enough to be effective communicators. More than that, we need to be able to communicate persuasively – not manipulation for our own selfish interests, but rather to possess the power to persuade others for their benefit. People we need to communicate persuasively to everyday: bosses, subordinates, spouse, kids, family members, friends, colleagues, clients, prospects… just about everyone!

Undeniably, communication skills are the first skill set we must include in our arsenal of skills to take with us on our journey to success. And to me, the best communications tool box can be found in Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP for short.

NLP is a communication model developed by the founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the late 1960s and early 70s. In simplified terms, NLP is essentially a model of learning which can be used to model human thinking, behaviour and communication.

Today, NLP has proven to be phenomenally successful in many applications:
training and personal development; coaching; business; sales; parenting. As Anthony Robbins, reputed to be the world’s highest paid coach said, “I built my sales career from zero to become the world’s best motivator by using NLP.” I use NLP in my coaching, training and in every aspect of daily life.

Let’s start by exploring a basic presupposition found in NLP: “The response you get is the meaning of your communication.” We all know that the message we want to communicate to someone may not necessarily be received with the exact intended meaning. Along the way, many things can happen – the meaning may be distorted, certain parts may be deleted or the message itself has been generalized. The challenge is: how do we know if our message has been accurately understood?

Besides that, there is another presupposition at play: We all respond to our map of reality, not reality itself. That means that every individual has within them an internal world of meaning – a unique internal map that they use for navigating the world. So, for example, when you tell your partner that you feel love for him/her, what does that mean in his/her world as opposed to the meaning you attach to the feeling of love? If he/she associates pain and sacrifice with “love” feeling, then you are not going to get very positive response from him/her! (I’m sure all of you who have read/heard about or experienced “commitment phobia” before will know what I mean!)

With these presuppositions in mind, we can then decide which tool to use from the NLP tool-box to firstly build rapport with the person we want to communicate our message to; then to assess what his map looks like; which tool to use to communicate effectively to that person based on his map; and so on. Now that’s only for effective communication.

To communicate persuasively, we then have to move that person to take action. Now for that to happen, again, there are various tools we can use based on different circumstances – as the saying goes, different strokes for different folks!

It’s really such fun and almost magical when one becomes adept at using all the wonderful tools available. You wish to convince your boss to give you a well-deserved pay rise, no problem? Dread talking to that irate customer who looks ready to burst a blood vessel? No problem, you can cool him down and even turn him into the most loyal customer. Wondering how to convince your child to sit still and study for next week’s examinations? You’ll be amazed at how you can do that by communicating persuasively.

However, let me hastily add that NLP as a communication model is just one aspect. There is much more to NLP. Modern Psychology Magazine once called it the “most powerful vehicle for change”. Change for ourselves. As Rudolf Dreikurs, author or A Parent’s Guide to Child Discipline, said, “We can change our whole life and the attitude of people around us simply by changing ourselves.” But that is the premise of another article, or just get a book on NLP and you can get lots of information on the subject.

Article contributed by Jessica See, Certified NLP Practitioner, NFNLP; Certified Neuro-Semantics & NLP Practitioner, ISNS. For more information on NLP courses, write to Jessica@qscasia.com or visit www.masteryasia.com/NLP

Keeping Your Job in Uncertain Times

In times past, you could be obscure yet secure – now that’s harder. – Michael Goldhaber, Wired

Times are certainly uncertain. Jobs that were aplenty in Singapore are now dwindling as more companies are downsizing, or should we say “rightsizing”, and merging; some even closing down “overnight”. No, I don’t intend to be a harbinger of doom, but let’s face it – it’s time to not take our job/business for granted.

I’m one of the fortunate people who are financially free, who can afford to do what I love for passion. My desire is that every one of you out there could one day say the same. Meanwhile, some of us have to hold on to our jobs, you declare, and I, of course, agree. So let’s explore how you can not only hold on to your job in uncertain times, but in fact thrive!

First and foremost, it’s time you start looking at crafting out a personal brand for yourself that will set you apart from your competitors and peers. You need to stand out so your boss would notice you, and hopefully give you a big fat promotion or raise. It’s no more of just “doing what my boss tells me to do” or simply working long hours hoping somebody up there will notice! You have to take your future and your career in your own hands!

Here are some quick suggestions how you can get noticed:
1. Find something you’re passionate about in your job… and go at it with a vengeance!
Passion sells. Passion gets you noticed. Passion adds meaning to your life. Look at Oprah. Look at Mother Theresa, Barrack Obama, Bill Gates… countless others whose passion has gripped the world. People who love what they’re doing so much that even if they put their life on cruise control, they will never take their foot off the accelerator!

There was a story told of how Oprah was first interviewed by Barbara Walters. Barbara wanted to know how Oprah had survived discrimination while growing up in the South. With her one-sentence answer, Oprah not only stunned Barbara, but won the respect and admiration of many: “Barbara, I discovered very early in life that there is no discrimination against excellence.” So you may not be exactly passionate about your job (majority of people aren’t, sad to say), but I’m certain if you look hard enough, there would be something that gets your adrenaline pumping. (If there’s nothing, maybe you’d better look for another job!)

Once you have identified that area, go at it with a vengeance. Get real good at it; make sure others know you’re the best in that area, which brings us to the next point.

2. Craft out your USP and start selling yourself!
USP or unique selling proposition simply means what makes you special, or to put it simply, what makes your “customers” (boss, clients, colleagues) “buy” from you and not someone else. You can find your USP by looking at your passion, strengths, skills or values. And once you have done that, then start selling yourself! For those of you who balk at the idea of having to “sell yourself”, stop kidding yourself that you don’t need to do that. The one skill you’ve got to get good at is how to be a super salesperson for YOU.

As one executive who wanted to make a career change said in the book Free Agents by Susan Gould, “What I am doing is selling myself. Intellectually I think I understood that, but emotionally I didn’t until I experienced the pain of constantly putting myself on the line and facing rejection. It makes sense to look at yourself as a work in progress and to define your core assets and then sell them to the marketplace. The question ultimately is: ‘Are you willing to do what it takes to get the opportunity you want?’”

3. Look good, feel great!
It’s time to quit looking sloppy simply because you believe your job doesn’t require you to dress well. Unless you want to stay mediocre for the rest of your life. If not, it’s time to start paying attention to how you look and the image you present to others. Now I’m not asking you to start splurging on expensive clothes, or take drastic measures to look like Miss Singapore or James Bond ( whatever is the male equivalent of Miss Singapore).

Simple things you can do: Start wearing colours that suit you; you can’t get noticed if you’re wearing safe black or grey everyday. Get an updated hairstyle that suits your face shape. Learn to dress for your body shape. It’s a simple philosophy that I subscribe to: when you look good, you will project yourself well; when you project well, people respond positively to you; when that happens, you feel great; and when you feel great, you look good! This is called the Circle of Success.

4. Think Intrapreneur
The best way to stand out is to treat your job like your own business. Take full ownership of business results that are expected from you. Be fully committed to your targets and work goals. Don’t just “do your job” but LIVE for your clients. The company I used to work for had a credo “Customers make my payday possible.” Think of ways to cut on expenses for your company – your boss will love you for that!

5. Work on a WOW project
Forget job. Forget tasks. Think Project. Then make every “project” you undertake a “WOW project. It’s going to take longer than this article allows, to teach you how to add the “WOW” factor into every project. Suffice it to say for now – get started on thinking real hard how to turn every job assignment into a “project” and then think even harder how to add more value into the project than your boss ever expected!

If you need more advice or coaching, just drop me a mail at jessica@imagecoach.com.sg!